I like to write these blogs/articles. I like sharing my heart and from my experience, even when sometimes it’s challenging. And apparently some of you enjoy reading them. I even have a surprising (to me) number of people following my blog who I have no idea who they are. A few of them have even told me they enjoy my writing though never having been to one of my classes. Some of you may even wish I wrote more frequently, and honestly, I, too, wish that, too, partly just because I believe strongly in the power of writing/journalling which I did daily and which was the first of my daily practices, but maybe the only one, that dropped when we had our first baby. (Before I decided to be OK having a baby, I confessed to Nikki that I was concerned that if we had a child, I would have to stop my practices. She said, “I won’t let you,” flat out, and I believed her, and part of her greatness as a woman and my wife is that she has NEVER complained or said anything bad about me doing my daily practice even though it does rarely but occasionally inconvenience her.)
So if you ask “why don’t I write more than I do?” I can only say, that for right now, it’s because for some years I have been trying to be a better dad and spend more time with my family. I feel like I’ve got the “yogi thing” down pretty well, and in my mind, a big part of me would prefer to be living a solitary life in a remote cave, or at least in our yoga room, but obviously there are other parts of me that needed expression in this life. Being “dad” feels very unnatural to me, doesn’t come easily as does practicing and exploring in the Inner World, but being “dad” is something that I did consciously choose, and I figure I better get out of it what’s in it for me AND be the best dad I can for our two talented, strongwilled and energetic boys.
I have in the past preferred to focus more of my energy not only in the Inner World, but also with my students, who still do get a HUGE amount of my time and energy. It’s an interesting Path, being a yoga practitioner and teacher. As a practitioner in the Inner World, I am building energy, and opening myself to and clearing out blocks to the smooth flow of energy. As a simple necessity and Law of Nature, Energy in=Energy OUT, otherwise something will eventually explode. There must be a FLOW or bad stuff happens, kind of like the Intelligent Life Energy will be “unhappy” and “bite my butt!” or without the personification, if the container gets to full it will break (and I’ve seen it happen in other people). Energy out in a good way means to be of service in some way. For me I see my service being to help uplift those who have also chosen to follow yoga as a Path to the True and to facilitate at least some physical relief if not even peace of mind for everyone who shows up.
For a year at least, my family has been getting more time and energy than at earlier times. I KNOW that I’m not the only one ever to “overengage” in my work, even if it’s a job that is in helping others, to avoid some other situation that is less mentally and emotionally comfortable and for sure less ego-gratifying. So if I don’t write as much as I (or you) would like, or if I take a few days to answer emails, or if you want to schedule some individual time with me and I don’t have much, please be patient and understand that I am a “normal” family man/yogi trying to find balance in life, just as you and most of us are. (But if you ever need to have a dog walk time with me, that I can generally arrange.)
I hope to see you in class, or elsewhere again (or for the first time) sometime soon. I heard that astrologically this is a good time for new beginnings.
Maybe time to “rebegin” yoga practice if you had been away.