I Am…Perfect

I Am…Perfect
9/5-26/23
What follows is the fruit of my meditation retreat at the beginning of
September. (And includes a line thanks to Iryna who included it in her
comments to me when I asked her if the sharing of all this was “over-the-
top.”)

I am complete confusion.

I am total clarity of mind.

I am a complete failure.

I am the most successful one.

I am painful agitation.

I am profound peace.

I am striving and wanting.

I am complete and utter satisfaction.

I am deliberate hurtfulness.

I am heart-felt love and nurturing.

I am evil incarnate.

I am Divine Love and Power.

I throw up blocks on the Path.

I see through and overcome “blocks” that are the Path.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

I have complete faith in the Flow.

I mentally make up shit.

I am the one who sees the mind making up and attaching to that.

I want everything to be different.

I know the Perfection of All.

I am distracted mind.

I am one-pointed focus.

I am restricted breathing.

I am the relief of breath flowing freely.

I am the one trying to fulfill everyone’s desires.

I know they will never experience it as enough.

I am terror all the way to the bone.

I am loving Trust.

I am inferior to all.

There is no one better than me.

I try to do as I’m told.

I gleefully do the opposite of what I’m told.

I stress about doing things right.

I doubt there really is a right way.

I am the mountain top.

I am the valley.

I am a dedicated and helpful father and husband.

I couldn’t care less.

I provide endlessly for my family.

I take care of myself.

I am doubt about spiritual teachings and even about myself.

I trust the experience of those who have looked deeply at What Is and how a human being is made.

I think it’s All up to me!

I know what needs to be accomplished has already been
accomplished.

I love.

I hate.

I am dedicated.

I am lazy.

I want to find the One Right Thing.

I flow with the Eternal Uncertainty.

I seek a permanent ground in the ever-changing world.

I laugh at myself in the attempt (when I’m not crying).

I study the scriptures and attempt to Realize their Truths in my daily life.

I indulge in endless, useless distraction from anything meaningful.

I fill my day with interminable busyness.

I am committed daily to looking within for hours and to following the
guidance of the Spirit.

I eat healthy food.

I eat food that is not the best for this body.

I appreciate beauty.

I am fixated on what is ugly and wrong.

I am intensely devoted to the Divine Mother.

I forget about Her most of the time.

I have faith in the teachings of my Satguru.

I have a list of complaints for Her as well.

I dissolve in the infinite vastness of Space.

I pick nits about the most useless things.

I am an open heart.

I celebrate and cultivate the wall around the heart.

I am seething anger.

I am totally coolness of heart and mind.

I am profoundly relaxed.

I am wound painfully tight.

I am a good listener.

I sometimes don’t care to listen.

I am open to new information.

I don’t need it because I already know it all.

I am highly predictable in my thoughts and behavior.

I act and think in surprising way at times.

I try to contort the Energy of Life to conform to my selfish comforts.

I let the Energy of Life change me as It will.

I don’t do drugs.

I like to get very high.

I struggle.

I surrender.

I accept things that I can’t change.

I accept things that I could change.

I try to change things I can’t change.

I change some things that I can.

I use discernment and intuition.

I attempt to make intelligent decisions with the selfish, ego-driven
mind.

I avoid pain and suffering.

I feel the pain and suffering consciously.

I fight the ocean of sorrow.

I embrace and befriend the sorrow.

I try to make my world smaller and smaller.

I actively allow my world to get bigger and bigger.

I don’t care about suffering people, even if they are close and in my world.

I see and seek to ease the suffering of others.

I withhold my heart.

I share my heart freely.

I take things for granted.

I am profoundly thankful.

I know what I’m talking about.

I am so full of shit, yet confident nonetheless.

I am pain.

I am bliss.

I am very far away.

I am right up close.

I am trying to get somewhere.

I am right where I am, not knowing where I’m going.

I am totally insane.

I am completely clear, grounded and mentally balanced.

I stampede through.

I calmly and patiently open to receive the Divine Mother’s Grace.

I am extreme gripping.

I am total acceptance and surrender.

I act as if The Point is to be Perfect.

I don’t even know what that is or if it’s even a thing!

I am a Higher Nature.

I am a lower nature.

I want what is best for All.

I want only what I think is best for me.

I am infinitely cramped space.

I am total expansiveness.

I want more, endlessly.

I am completely satisfied with what I have.

I love and feel supremely blessed by the Divine Mother.

I also passionately and unashamedly hate Her, my chosen Deity. (I
know who ultimately wins!)

I have no expectations.

I seem to be nothing but expectations.

I am internally rigid.

I am malleable and changeable.

I choose the Peace.

I choose the self-made agitation.

I share my thoughts and teachings openly and courageously.

I sometimes feel fear and vulnerability about sharing from the heart.

I am the one who only sees what it wants to see.

I am the one who willingly and easily sees what is True.

I am the one who actively fights what IS.

I am the one who merely stands aside and criticizes it all.

I am the Energy that is all of This.

I am the Loving Space that holds all This.

I am none of This.

I am…Perfect, as the Divine Mother Energy made me.

No wonder it’s so hard to be a human being.